Sunday, June 29, 2008

i wana drown out all the noise,
hide in a corner and just stay there.
and do nothing,
and hear nothing but the music blasting from the earphones.

i keep finding myself on the edge of tears nowadays.
so frustrated when i can't do something,
or when i cant understand something.

i think i might just go insane..
or be mentally unsound..
i think i'll need to go look at those posters they put up at school on how to prevent from going mad.
but i guess, i already know its kinda impossible for me to really go mad..

Thursday, June 26, 2008

and being random

i think i have become a person i never imagined i would be..
i think don't have a 'myself' to be when they say "be yourself".
i act and maybe think differently in different circumstances,
always changing,
and i find myself being molded into different things again and again..
i'm actually not sure what my character is like for certain..

when i see someone acting in a certain way, and i look at people's reaction to that person's actions, i make a mental note to either do more of what that person did, or never do it (depending on whtherthere was a bad reaction to it or a good one).
i look at mistakes people sometimes make (lets say A and B are friends, and A says something that makes B quite unhappy, which causes A to be in an awkward position) and i make sure that i never make that mistake ever.
maybe my psychology is : i need to fit in, be someone, be perfect.

but sometimes i dont know why i do things,
why the instinct to fit in is so strong..
take for example, letting down my fringe when the teachers made it very clear that you shouldn't have fringe "all over the place".
i look at others, see that their fringe is down too, so i let my fringe down.
and the teachers would see and remind me i should have pinned it up...
maybe "i look damn ugly with my hair pinned up"
so i don't.
but i remember i used to be such a guai kia..

when in Rome, do as the Romans do?


anyway, hope u liked the pics.. i was lazy to upload, but i finally did it so yeah..
Cherlyn, your back is in the turtle's picture. hahahahah!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Shalyn is usually sleepy when she goes to school,
and her teachers would sometimes make it a point to tell her that they see her dozing off in class sometimes..
she wonders if they try to understand how hard it is for her to stay awake..
>_<

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Day two of new term of school..
tomorrow is council election for the new group of excos,
and oh my gosh i'm sec four already..

trying to imagine what its like for my juniors to be looking up to me..
not as in admiring, but like how i looked up to the sec fours because they were senior when i was younger..
gosh that made me sound like i'm old aready..
erm, rephrase..
like how, before i was sec four, i looked up to my seniors because they were seniors.
okay not exactly properly rephrased but better ya?

woah cl B is tiresome man..
after that long day of school, u have to sit for another 3 hours of chinese lesson!
oh but at least stuff actually get into my already not-so-properly-functioning-head.
i mean, how much chinese stuff i used to learn actually registered in my brain?
so yeah, i am like, learning chinese..
can u believe it?
can i believe it?

oh i liked my cl B teacher..
she's cool..
and combined with the crap the guy classmates (from 4/8) say,
cl B is actually quite fun..
i'm learning chinese! 0.o
wow.....

i spilt soup on my uniform while eating dinner today.
but why am i even writting this down?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

aaah sch tmr!!
*runs around, screaming & arms waving wildly*

Saturday, June 21, 2008

baby bird died...
*sniffs*
i buried it in my garden n put three pebbles above its grave,
and put a flower in the middle..
Pest In Peace baby birdie..

Friday, June 20, 2008

my uncle found a baby bird!

i think its a mynah.
looks like an alien,
no feathers,
eyes closed,
long long legs and
a huge beak in proportion to its body..
been feeding it every hour.

dun die baby bird!!
you're already mine..

Thursday, June 19, 2008

yay i came back from council camp ytd!!
activities were fun,
but some stuff happened which i can say im not too happy about..
its creepy..
hehe lol..

day 1 of camp,
- we assembled in needlework room at 7.30!
- got into our groups.. there were 6 groups
-theme for the camp was "roughing it out"
- then we moved to outside and played a little game..
-me and thet were like, 'high-ing..
- made our group name, which was bolehgaga (i have no idea what it meant, fadhil came up with it.. yay u rock fadhil!!)
-made our cheer, which was like, "bolehgaga boleh gaga, ohm ohm ohm!"
LOL erm cuz the game we played required a lot of concentration,
and thet was like ohhhmmmm, ohhhhmmmm.
so we used it in our cheer.. so cools..
then fadhil came up with our othr cheer which is like the oleh oleh oleh oleh, oleh, oleh,
so ours was boleh, boleh boleh boleh (gaga!), boleh (gaga!) boleh (gaga!)
-went to the quadrangle and there was a huge canvas mat with soapy water!!
the activity is called scrub the deck..
its soccer on all fours with a soap bar..
it was sooo fun!!
our group won!
yay!
- then washed upp and repacked our stuff and left for changi beach..
- when we got there we pitched our tents!
the guys got a super huge one.. an 8 men tent..
but hehe they had to share between 7 guys (including themselves) lols..
- then our first activity since reaching,
digging tunnels in the sand till we can hold hands with the person opposite..
so there were two lines and we were in pairs facing each other..
me n fadhil in a pair..
and we dug~!
and we saw lots of sand worms!!
which were like yellow n red!
and there were soo many everytime u dug!
and the girls were frieking out (me included, at first)
but i decided to just dig n not care whether i snapped them or squahsed them (which was what i was really scared of)
but my tunnel kept caving in cuz i was nearest to the sea..
so me n fadhil had to move up (to our dismay, cuz we had dug quite deep)
then the facilitator wasnt happy with us about our tunnels, so we had to restart!!
so we dug again,
and me n fadhil managed to hold hands in the tunnel..
i tell u,
the satisfaction u get,
and the happines,
and the relief..
ahh.. so nice..
yeah so i helped my team members dig theirs,
(oh i had to lie down on the sand to reach in..)
then!!
i htink most of us managed to hold hands already..
he moved us away and drew a circle in the sand, and told us to dig until all 9 of us can hold hands..
we were like, omg..
so we started digging..
and digging n digging..
and i'll just cut this short,
we got a lot of worms,
we dug,
we got burned by the sun,
we dug,
and i finally managed to grab the person beside me's hand,
and when we were done,
we looked into one of the holes and saw this tunnel undewr the sand..
so cool..
i was damn happy when i managed to grab someone's hand..

-washed up and started dinner,
-it was the survival cooking kinda thing,
with cooking tins n maggi mee..
and i had to feed someone..
and the stuff that happened after werent too nice..
for me la, that is..

okay! moving on..
then we had to make this light tower thing with light sticks..
quite difficult..
the thing kept screwing up!!
i was damn stressed cuz i came up with the idea and i was the one who had to fix evrything..
but we had to leave halfway cuz we were supposed to go night walk at old changi hospital..
when the facilitator told us everyone was damn scared..
cuz we all thought we were gonna actually go inside the building..
one of the girls cried..

- so we started walking to och..
-and when we got there, we were put into groups of three (my group had 9 ppl)
- me, jerrold and joelle..
and we went lor..
omgosh the staircase was extremely overgrown..
the buidling was super ulu..
but i decided to just keep looking at the floor and not anywhere else..
me n jerrold were at the side,
joelle in the middle..
and we hokoed hands and walked..
it wasnt too bad la actually..
cuz we found out we only had to walk around the compound,
not inside the building..
and we passed the time by talking bout someone..
LOL..
funny...
ya so when we got back evryone said it wasnt too bad..
(oh btw the reason we had to do this night walk, according to facils, was to face our fears..)

then slept lor..
in tents..
got about 4-5 hrs of sleep?

then the next day we packed up the tents,
and our things,
and left for pulau ubin!
cycling..
playing station games..
fun lor..
but i hated the dirt roads cuz they were so rocky n had to puch the bikes uphill/downhill sometimes..
and our facilitator brought us up a hill to see the quarry cuz we had lots of time to spare..
it was soo nice..
the water was so blue and so cool..

so we continued on..

and then we left ubin for sch,
and debriefed by camo commandant,
then the facils left..
then we started our stand down preparation..
and then had night walk

and i was the ghost..
stationed at the den on third floor of sch,
and i had to put on this face thing which turned into powder,
and they all said i looked damn scary.
i didnt dare look at myself cuz i was afraid of scaring myself lol..
so the victims would be wakling towards me,
and they couldnt see me at all cuz very dark,
and i would jump in front of them n on torch light under my face n scare them..
i made one sec three girl cry..
i felt bad after that..
>__<

but yeah..
i kept saying sorry..

then after night walk went to sleep lor..
got about 3 hrs of sleep..
then debriefed n left..
yayes!!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

So many people have so much pain,
and they hide it from everyone,
hide it from the people who have their own pains too..

I had a dream last night,
and the feeling i had is back..
and i don't want it,
but i find myself unable to take it away..
so to someone,

don't make the same mistake you did..
don't let history repeat itself,
cuz i don't want to go through it again.
i don't wana be this sad little lump,
who has only herself to blame for what she is going through..


But maybe its just me.
maybe i'm just being delusional.
maybe i should try looking at it from a different point of view..
maybe..

there comes the maybes again...

eh very bad very bad!!!
i haven't studied or anything since i came back leh..
argh this so proves my lack of self discipline lar...
i htink i deserve some smacking..
>_< i nid tuition to sstart asap!!!

oh thers gonna be a ypm barbeque this saturday..
im so gonna be surprising some ppl..
cant wait,
and i hope news of me being home doesnt spread around so much..
i like surprising people muahahaha..
..
ok maybe i dont but mm..
i dunno...

and my old 8181 number will be activated tmr!!
right now using a temporary number, but im not gonna bother telling ppl cuz the old number will come tmr..

i think i'll ask my bro if we can go to the tuition place later...

Monday, June 9, 2008

okay i'm home,
its hot,
everyone says i've grown taller (really?)
and the worst part is that everyone says i've grown fatter..
AAAAH!!!
i don't wana be fatter!
but seriously, this is not an excuse, but winter does make u gain weight >__<

Friday, June 6, 2008

well its been a while since i've updated..
i was waiting for people to reply on my tagboard haha..
and finally some people did..

i had to get teacher's signatures to complete my signing out procedures,
and it was fun running around sch looking for people hahas..
although nt so fun when they're no where to be found.
=.= riccartoon teachers like running around a lot, esp. during lunchtimes..
but i finally managed to get all of their signatures!!
yay!!
it was like a game to me haha..

and yay i managed to get a refund for school!!
thank God!!
thank God a lot!!!
and it amounted to 5480 new zealand...
they deducted 418 for insurance, which i found kinda weird since i thought i already paid that $418 together wwith the sch fees..
but never mind, i shouldnt ask for too much.. ^^

i didnt manage to say bye to everyone i knew..
some of them probably didnt even know.
=P i feel bad but i dont think i actually care much xD
i'm going to the mall tonight!!
cheers peoples!!